Thursday, September 25, 2008

the online revolution...sorry i missed it

For those who haven't figured it out yet, I'm single. A single gay male, in the city, in the south. For the most part, it's a pretty carefree life I live but sometimes...I get lonely. & out of pure, pathetic despair one night, I found myself back grindin online. & I swear, it's about as cut-throat, vicious & potentially fatal as it is out there for them boys hustlin on the block. It's real out here in these cyber streets. But against my better judgement (my other head) I logged in to that familiar place & surprisingly after 70+ days in my absence, absolutely NOTHING had changed. Same ol’ people, same ol’ pics & profile requirements ("no fats, no femz, masculine dudes only, no pic=no reply; no shirt, no shoes, no service etc.") lookin for the same ol’ thing. Even funnier the same ol’ dudes hittin me up, forgetting that we’ve already talked/fucked before. Which brings me to this particular night…

I get a message from “milleniumodel.” I never forget ANYONE who gives me their number, especially if I’ve actually called & had a conversation with them before. Unfortunately not everyone’s memory is nearly as good as mine, which is sad considering how much some of these dudes online “get around.” I shoot the shit with him for a few minutes when he reveals he’s “horny as hell.” There was no need to even ask him to unlock his privates because I had already seen his look-book & BABY, the body was BANGIN! So I graciously oblige to let him come keep me company for the night. He interjected, “but you ain’t got no pics?”

NO, I do not have ANY pics of myself on BGC, A4A or anywhere else on the internet (except facebook). "It’s a personal choice every man has got to make for himself [1]." I mean I'm not in the closet or anything, I just hate taking pictures. & TRUST, I ain't never had a problem; I don't even hit dudes up. I just login & BAM! bumrush. I guess it’s the mystery behind that question mark.

He then states, “I don’t really like to meet w/o seeing pics…” Baby, he musta REALLY forgot bout me? I replied, “no problem. later man.” & that was pretty much all it took. He continued to message me, asking what I was looking for. I gave him my # (to the house phone of course; it's so much easier to ignore if I have to), 20 minutes later he was on the way. He didn’t stay far. So I straightened up, air freshened & vacuumed, & of course took a hoe bath (silly). He had trouble finding the place, which most people do for some reason. But by the time he stepped outta that [sports car] coupe (it was cute too) round 11pm, I was having second thoughts. I was even getting chills. Not that I got a bad vibe from him, it’s just that he was REALLY good looking…which for some very odd reason, intimidated me. & as we walked up the sidewalk to my place I felt like the night would end with me alone jacking off, as I had been doing the past two months.

He walked thru the front door, to my surprise as I had actually visualized him turning around & taking off running as we were walking. Though he was deathly afraid of my cat, Avery paid him no mind. It was me who was on pins & needles (what? I hadn’t done this since I first moved into the place). Forgetting exactly what to do first, I directed him into the bedroom & shut the door because I did not need Avery making him any more nervous than he probably already was. He made himself VERY comfortable across my bed. I sat on the edge (my groove was slowly coming back to me) & proceeded to do what I do best: interview my subject. & please don’t get it twisted because if it's one thing I HATE, it's needless small talk before a NSA (No Strings Attached) fuck. I explicitly know & understand the difference between a “fuck” & a potential “friend.” But homeboy was definitely leaning toward the latter off his looks alone. So we, well HE, talked & I listened & he seemed like a pretty cool brother.

As we lay listening to the slow jams on my computer I directed him to strip. He obliged & I did the same. We lay naked, side by side & continued the convo (his name was Jercorrian or Cori, he was 29 & living alone) & then he kissed me; soft, sweet. We talked more (he had just moved from east Texas, single, & attracted to me) our legs now intertwined & then I kissed him; playful, innocent. He rolled on top of me. We kissed and sucked each others lips, necks, & ears. He turned around, still on top of me but now facing the opposite direction. He inhaled me into his mouth so gently. His head game was tender, sensual like he was licking a popsicle. I then directed him to straddle my face & he damn near lost his mind. He was a talker (which is a BIG turn-on in my book; I hate it when they play dead) & he moaned & groaned until he couldn’t take nomore. He climbed off & for the first time that night he directed me, “I’m ready for that dick!” Now you KNOW he gots no argument from me.

He’s rubbin my body & breathing heavily while I’m in between his thighs, gazing into his eyes. He took me in with almost no effort & I began to stroke; slow, long. I started to bite on his neck & he screamed “don’t you mark me up!” I laughed...he sounded like me talking to Bruce (I'm sorry, I'm just not ready to begin the Bruce Saga with you yet). We continued on & he was an ANIMAL! Ecstatic shouts of “YES DADDY!” & “FUCK ME!” but the line that truly got me was “I’M COMIN BACK, BABY, I’MA BE BACK OVER HERE FOR SOME MORE!” Now to some, these are just meaningless rants. I mean when the sex is good hell, I done had dudes ask “BE MY BOYFRIEND?” & even scream “I LOVE YOU!” But for Cori to be feeding me these lines, as lonely & low as I had been feeling since becoming single in March; his empty words filled me. & honestly this was NOT even one of my best performances & it definitely wasn’t because of him. I mean staring at his body under the moonlight beaming through my window, that boy was a masterpiece from head to ankle (he kept his socks on). I just wasn’t fully feeling myself that night. Hell, I was only semi-erect the entire time. Though he made it clear online that he was “horny as hell,” the truth of the matter was that I wasn’t. All I wanted was the company of a man, to see the face & hear the voice of another man inside my empty ass apartment was my m.o.

He came while I was fuckin him, & you know that was my cue to pull out. I snatched off the rubber & oozed (not even a squirt, so sad). I immediately went to the bathroom to grab him some baby wipes & when I returned to the toilet to pee, I just stood there. Disappointed in myself & my performance, though it may have been just what m&m needed, I didn't feel a thing. He entered the bathroom behind me wearing nothing but briefs, he was even more beautiful in the light. After quickly getting dressed he said he “had to be up early for work…it was good, I’ll call you…” I walked him to the door & advised him that my house phone didn’t have caller id, or any features for that matter. He replied, “I’ll call & give you my # when I get home.” I simply smiled, “bye.” After locking the door I sat on the couch, & thought. There was no point in even keeping the phone by the bed. If he wanted me to have the number he would’ve given it to me at the door or in his car while he was driving I thought, “same ol’ dudes telling the same ol’ lies.” I went to bed…I never did hear that phone ring before I dozed off.

The next night when I got home from work, where did I find myself but on BGC (I swear, that shit is addictive), I had one new message. It was from Cori, sent 7:15am: “hey man. I enjoyed u last night, mu number is 214-***-****.”

1. Cher (Alicia Silverstone) - Clueless; 1995

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