Saturday, August 29, 2009

the definition...YEAAAA BRANDY!

I believe in love at first sight.”

My co-worker “Hannah” looked at me like I had just said I believed in Santa Claus. “Q,” she said, “the only thing you can feel at first sight is LUST.” But truthfully, love does not have a specific definition for everyone. Though it is generally recognized as intense and/or passionate fondness for some person, place, or thing...it’s really just not that simple. Case in point: Hannah’s new boy toy, Jabari (yes ma'am, miss vanilla only eats chocolate) is head-over-heels in love with her...after day 2. This frightens Hannah very much as she does not comprehend a (hu)man being capable of love so soon.

When I first fell in love, I was 17. & after only the first WEEK of going with "Tremaine," I was ready to move with him to Atlanta after graduation. He was the first guy I'd ever met that could handle me & my smart mouth. Tall, overweight, & bad-built...he was perfect (for me). Did he feel the same about Q? Probably not. But my point is, no one then nor now can tell me that what I felt in my mind & in my heart was not love. For me it was true & to this day, whenever Tremaine & I cross paths, I still get butterflies in my stomach. He's even more overweight & even more badly built now but when I look at him, all I see is the same strong willed & intelligent man that I fell in love with Summer 2002...& I'll always love him.

Truthfully speaking, I was in love from the moment my ex-best friend introduced us. I felt it from the moment we locked eyes. & what I felt for Tremaine, I can never demean by classifying as LUST. His body wasn't even what got my attention & even for the short time we dated, the most I ever did was give him head. The emotion & passion I harbored for him never revolved around sex or his body but everything else about him. Even the lies he told (that I later caught him in) only made him more human & real to me.


The truth is (& by truth we're talking about MY truth here) love is universal:

It's my obsession with words; my best friends infatuation with dancing or my ex-boyfriends pre-occupation with designer labels; it's the raw emotion of an 18-year old girl & her first.

It's you & thy neighbour; it's the flowers & the trees, the birds & the bees; a basic instinct instilled from the womb, shared by mother & unborn child before even being understood; it's Paris & Rome, Texas & Georgia. Love is as basic as hunger, thirst or sleep. Love is me...& you.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

the cougar...fox-y like vivica

SO...for as far back as I can REMEMBER, I have preferred the company of older men. I mean the younger girls just never knew how to act but, now even the old ladies have begin to turn me off.

Remember "Eddie ?" Well, one reason I never even attempted to pursue anything with him is because his standards are, well...unattainable: you know the type whose "I am looking for..." (on his BGC profile) lists abou 88 of the things he doesn't like in a man? Besides, we're better off as friends anyway. But he is still by FAR one of the prettiest 40-something year old men I've laid eyes on in the DFW.

My point is for a while, I could only even SEE myself being serious with someone older than me.

"And the only way you know you're older is that you (once loved by older men) now find yourself loving boys younger than you...[1]"

That guy from my last post: 20 years old. The infamous Bruce: 21. My baby Shane (sighs, I just don't even have the strength to go into his story right now): but he is 20...are you noticing a pattern? I turned 25 less than 2 weeks ago.

Once upon a time, I couldn't even fathom dating a guy younger than me...now, I find myself ONLY dating the new generation.

& it's not intentional...I didn't even notice until someone else pointed it out.

Am I slowly becoming that old girl at the club...the one who still tucks her shirt in (to mom jeans) & wears white tennis shoes?

"CALL SOMEBODY PLEASE!

GIMME SOMETHIN, PLEASE!!![2]"

I just don't know how this happened. I am listening to an Xscape cd as I type this...the last little boy I brought home didn't even know who Xscape WAS!

I feel so disgusting.

But this is the circle of life, right?

When I was 17 & in the 12th grade, my treasure chest was being dug in by a pirate named Oscar; who just so happened to be 25 & MARRIED with children. & though I don't see myself going to the extreme of adultery & contributing to the delinquency of a juvenile...I am now at that point...wher the young boys ARE the beautiful ones...


REFERENCES

1. Andrew Holleran - Dancer From The Dance; 1978
2. Diamond (Lisa Raye) - The Player's Club; 1998