I recently got into a heated debate with a very good friend of mine (we'll call him "Boogie") & now I just have to ask, exactly whose responsibility is your HIV status?
You see in Boogie's opinion, not only is it not right & downright "mean" for the positive to still have sexual contact with the negative but, it's not even "safe" for the positive to freak with other positives.
Boogie fears that these actions only magnify the epidemic, with the latter leading to superinfection among those already living with the disease. His conclusion (or proposal) being that the positive should no longer engage in sexual activity with others PERIOD; & be limited to "jacking off...for the rest of their lives."
Boogie's opinion deeply disturbed me.
The truth is (& by truth we're talking about Q's) that your HIV status is your responsibility & your responsibility ONLY.
To anyone reading that is currently negative, I want you to take this moment to stop...& thank Jesus. Because you have made it this far in a world of "false negative" test results & the denialists whose online profiles proudly read "negative, as of month/day/year," & I know you see them. & yes sometimes you know, of your own accord, that said individual is lying but honey despite what most state laws say, he can't ever truly be held liable for infecting you.
Safe sex, is just that. & as hard as it may be for some to comprehend, it means not letting ANYONE insert ANYTHING into ANY ONE of YOUR holes UNLESS it is wrapped up in plastic. & the moment you fail to execute this standard practice then, guess what sweetie? It's no longer safe sex. It is unsafe & risky behavior, & if you're old enough to be reading my blog then you're old enough to know this.
The old (new age) adage "treat EVERYONE you meet as if they are infected," is the realest shit I ever heard. But ain't it funny that after 11 years of fuckin, I am just NOW understanding this? The crutch typically used is that if you love & trust or know for a fact that your partner is negative then, it's ok not to be concerned with safety. & often times though you may not let anyone penetrate you without a rubber, you are usually quick to suck that dick without one. Is safe oral sex honestly as ENJOYABLE for either party involved? Hell no. But is it SAFE? Yes...yes it is.
I'll even take Boogie for example. He has been with his lover for 3 years. They stopped using rubbers after the 1st. Yes, they do love each other very much & they do still try to get tested regularly but, their lives; their safety is being placed in one another's hands. & if/when an STD ever pops up (& ya'll I pray it don't) then they will simply play the blame game over something that was always in their OWN power to prevent. The idea of safe sex can be compared to the state department doing a safety inspection of a business. There is a checklist of items to be crossed off in order for you not to be deemed a safety hazard. If you miss just 1 of those items...you are in violation & as a result, deemed un-SAFE &/or HAZARDOUS.
Sometimes I can't help but admire my BFF Dee, for truly treating his body like the temple it is. He will not let a man take away his...negativity. He actually takes the time to THINK long & hard before ever becoming intimate with a man. Dee understands his own power. He knows what he has overcome. He is true to himself & his body as a whole but most importantly, he has no problem telling a man "NO."
Hell naw you can't come to my house this time of night.
Nah, I don't wanna fuck.
Naw baby, you ain't bout to give me what you got.
No...because I want to STAY negative.
As for Q, I've always had a little problem saying no; having gone to bed with many men when I really didn't even want to. Few will come out "after the storm" (you know, of life) unscathed & still negative. But truthfully, many will fall victim to that majority...who don't look at it as NOT wanting to stay UN-infected, but rather just WANTING to be touched by a man. & sometimes we lose sight of the consequences and repercussions: "Because his swag is mean," & "he bow-legged," & "girl, his dick is SO pretty," & sometimes even JUST BECAUSE...
But no one infects us...we infect ourselves. We were never a safe zone to begin with.
"Shit, I ain't tryna preach. I ain't even teachin." I am just a short, chubby young man in Dallas who occasionally has a story or an opinion to share & today I am saying that YOU are in control...you always were. & if you are still lucky enough to be negative in 2009 then please remember, that only "you are the master of your fate...you are the captain of your soul."
1. "Ryde Away" (Eve featuring Anthony Hamilton) - Eve-Olution; 2002
2. William Ernest Hensley - Invictus (1875)