concrete clear

Why is your "position" field BLANK? I mean I been doing this for a while so, when it's left blank on the profile I already KNOW that you's a bottom...& the same goes for you girls who say "I DO NOT KNOW YET." You are a bottom who doesn't want to be looked at as emasculate & that's cool. It's ok because the last thing Q wants to do is judge you for your insecurities baby. But cool believe, as long as you can CLEARLY see "Top" on my profile then there's really no room for miscommunications when I strap on the rubber...right? That being said, let's go back in time for a moment to the night I met "Reggie" (remember when I said I was "a little bit tied up" when Oscar AKA "Dirty Booty" first tried to get at me?).

Now, from the moment I laid eyes on Reggie's profile on BGC I knew I would like him. 5'10, kinda chubby, with a kool-aid smile; he was my kinda guy! His "position" field was blank (as was his weight), which wasn't an issue. & even though his status which was a diss to his ex & the new guy, woulda probably sent anybody with SOME sense in the opposite direction, it intrigued me (this is a hint as to how much sense Q has). So I of course sent him a message & after some brief small talk we exchanged numbers & I was headed to his crib.

He stayed close, like 5 minutes away (I didn't even have to get on the freeway). I arrived to a very familiar apartment complex (Bruce used to live here) & I quickly found his place with no help. When he opened the door I was...pleased. He actually looked LIKE his pics & the apartment was LAID: I'm talking FULLY furnished (with nice shit), which is a rarity for the punks our age (he's 24). So I was impressed, to say the least.

We sat on the sofa & talked, REALLY TALKED, for hours. He was funny, country, & came off very genuine. After a few beers & squares we were both relaxed enough to venture off into more PERSONAL conversation. "So you top or bottom?" he asked. "Oh, you ain read my profile?" I snapped. "Nah man, dat don't be important when you first tryna get to know somebody." COOKED ME, I couldn't even argue with that...not without sounding like a sex-crazed freak. The truth (& by that I mean MY truth) is that I don't go online looking for friends or homeboys. I'm all stocked up with people to drink, smoke, & big kick it with. I'm online looking for a date; a fuck-buddy; or even just a jump-off. But to Reggie's last statement I simply replied, "yea you right, you need to get to know a person before worryin abou if ya'll gon be just friends or something more." MM-HMM! He replied, "exactly." So without the slightest bit of hesitation I boldly declared, "I'm a top." He reached out his hand to shake mine & greeted me, "hello FRIEND." WTF? & ya'll know I was bout ready to go on that note. But little did I know, the night was only beginning.

We talked more, laughing & feeling a lot more at ease since that chunk of ice had been broken. We had almost demolished his case of beer & out of nowhere he asked, "lemme see it." I asked, surprised, "let you see wha?" He smiled, "your piece." I was a little tipsy & feelin real good so I stood up & pulled it out. He grabbed it & began to blow me. The boy had a nice little head game on him & I wondered to myself where this was going...he then stopped abruptly, stood up, took my shirt off, pulled down my panties & bent me over. I thought to myself, "WTF?" He proceeded to eat me. Now, me being the STRICT top that I am, I've never really gotten into ANYTHING (tongues, fingers, penises, bottles, gerbils, vacum cleaner hoses, etc) being inserted into my shit-hole. But baby, that boy was COLD-BLOODED, & I was moanin like a lil BITCH. I dropped to my knees as they had begun to get weak & he followed me with his face still inbetween my cakes. He rolled me onto my back (dat muthafucka was kinda STRONG) & continued, alternating between eating me & sucking my dick...I was in complete ecstasy. He finally started to take off some of his clothing & then he lay in between my thighs & began to kiss me. I then realized that he was attempting to stick a finger in my butt & that's when I let out a small scream. He laughed, resumed kissing me & trying to finger me. & it was then that I noticed this big muthafucka had both my wrists over my head with one hand & had my body pinned underneath the weight of his...I began to get REALLY nervous.

He withdrew the finger, as he had only been able to get in almost to the knuckle. I sighed relief as he continued kissing me. Now as he had my wrists by both of his hands, still laying in between my thighs, he began to press against my hole with his piece. My eyes got big & I started breathing erratically. I began to wriggle & squirm until I got loose of his tight grip. I rolled over onto my knees & tried to crawl away but then he grabbed me by my waist & buried his face into my ass again. This nigga was CLEARLY no rookie. He then snatched me up (I'm tellin ya'll, this big nigga was STRONG) & walked me into the bedroom. He pushed me onto his bed & started giving me head, still fingering me. Between his hot mouth & his finger in my rectum I couldn't take no more...I came everywhere, some even went in his mouth. I lay there in the middle of his big bed basking. I finally pulled myself up & into the bathroom to clean up.

"WHOOOO!" I thought to myself as I looked into the mirror trying to catch the cum running dowm my piece & stomach with the warm towel. I felt my energy & strength begin to return to my just lifeless body. That boy was good, & a true top to even attempt climbing my back. When I re-entered his bedroom he was laying on his back on his cell phone. As I pulled on my t-shirt I realized that he hadn't even bust one. He hung up the phone as he stood up & I grabbed him by the shoulder & kissed him. I dropped down to my knees, opened my mouth wide & inhaled. I was tasting more pubic hair than I was flesh & I thought to myself, "shiiit I probably coulda took dis lil thang," (the piece had to be like only 4 or 5 inches). I pulled my t-shirt just over my head, grabbed his hips & let him fuck my face. I swear, I didn't even gag, his dick was so petite. His breathing got louder, his thrusts sped up & he whispered, "i'm finsta cum." We both threw our heads back, I grabbed his piece & jerked until he shot all over my chest. "Damn, I gotta go clean up again," I thought. As we went into the bathroom together I finally got a good look at his body in the light & thought, "he needs to update his damn profile."

As I drove home I could only reflect on Reggie's profile...it was about as clear as concrete, & I'm not only speaking of his role in the bedroom. Though his pics were true, even his height stated 5'10 & he was shorter than me (I'm barely 5'8). & I won't blame him for this I mean, maybe he REALLY doesn't know his height. But if he's just scared that saying he's 5'6 will turn off potential suitors then, he should know there's NO BIGGER turn-off when it comes to online dating than being MIS-LED. Because honey, those white lies, fibs, & half truths only become all out deceit & perjury (ask Lil' Kim bout it). & though you may "fake your way to the TOP, round & round [1]" dem other bitches...PLEEZBALEEV, it's gon take a BAD ASS (not even Boosie) to TOP this one.

REFERENCES

1. "Fake Your Way To The Top" (Eddie Murphy as Jimmy Early) - Dreamgirls Soundtrack; 2006

u got me FUCKED UP!

To keep down confusion I must REITERATE that a lot of the events I post are not current. Though some take place in the present day, the others occured in my past. But I blog about those events which can teach me (or anyone reading)a lesson...whether I/we choose to learn or not

It has always been my firm belief that "I can't be that other woman...[1]"

I have never been that girl, to compare myself to the likes of Kimberly Jones, Monica Lewinsky, & definitely not Karrine Stephans. I am a man who deserves love & respect from any & all who I grant the pleasure of my presence. NOT some cum bucket to be taken off the shelf & skeeted in when you need to drop a load, then put back up after my purpose has been served...so why am I continuing this secret affair with Bruce?

I mean because, we NOT fucking (sucking, eating, or jacking) so, he's not using me just to blow his load. & he is NOT promising to leave his lover, who they call "T" by the way, for me. We just enjoy each other's company. We share a chemistry. He makes me feel so warm & GOOD inside when he's around...& as far as I can tell, the feeling's mutual. But an emotional affair can be just as low-down & dirty as a physical one. In fact, I KNOW that if not for the lack of either one of us being a receiver that day at his house, I would have BEEN his "Lil' Kim..." his "Supahead."

But Bruce is not a bad guy in my eyes. He's a 19 year old boy who's dating a 24 year old man (T) & he's entertaining another 22 year old man (me) on the side. I mean hell, he IS the american way...ask about him. But I'm an adult compared to this child. & I should NOT be "involved in this talk show shit[2]." Not only because he has made his choice (he's still with his lover) but specifically because even if he were to just up & stop talking to his lover FOR ME...I would never be able to fully trust him not up & leaving me for the next dude that tickles his fancy. So, why am I STILL continuing this secret affair with Bruce? Shit, because I'm Q... & "if it ain't LIVE, it ain't ME[3]!" But honey the shade is, his lover Miss T, was bout as LIVE as me...

Me and Bruce working together, in the same department, was the basis. Seeing each other everyday, it encouraged us to continue. So we did, but especially via text message:

-I miss u
-I miss u 2
-U look SO cute 2day
-Thank u baby
-U takin yo break wit me?
-Yea
-U gon stop by on yo way home 2nite?
-4sho babe

Now to me, these are all just innocent text messages between two people who share a special connection with one another. But to another bitch, that other bitch, these text messages would be a reason to set it the fuck OFF...

So uh, ya'll know T called my phone after he went thru all of Bruce text messages one night right? Of course he did the ladylike thing & confronted his man FIRST; so I couldn't be too mad at him, he went to his man first. But Bruce, being the 19 year old little boy he is, was not prepared for this day to come. He was speechless; he had no words. So when T asked, "what the fuck is this?" Bruce responded, "oh uh, I don't know." Now ya'll know, this is what I get for messin with this little boy. Why in the fuck are you not deleting my messages as they come? I don't even have a man, but you best believe I delete incriminating messages as they come & only archive the shit that may come up later. But this nigga, didn't even clean up his shit so now, it's bout to go DOWN:

T: "What the fuck you mean, you don't know? You replied to all his text messages didn't you? Who the FUCK is Q?

Bruce: "Baby, that's just my co-worker. We real good friends."

T: "You got me FUCKED UP! Do you not know i am CRAZY? Your co-worker? nah-uh, I'm goin to your muthafuckin job!"

Bruce: "Baby, why you trippin?"

T: "You betta call & tell him not to call yo muthafuckin phone no more!"

Bruce: "Baby, calm down. Let's just talk about it."

T: "OH, you ain gon call him? don't worry bout it den...I'LL call him!"

Meanwhile I am at work, OBLIVIOUS to the shit going down over in North Arlington between Bruce & T. It's Sunday (my Friday) & I'm actually having a good day, thus far. So when my phone suddenly rings, & I see "BRUCE" flash across my i.d...I just know my night is ONLY about to get better.

Me: "Wzup?"

T: "Who is dis?"

Me (recognizing this is NOT Bruce's voice): "Baby, you called MY phone. Who the fuck is dis?"

T: "This, is T."

Me: "OHHH...hi, how you doing?"

T: "NAH, ain't no 'hi how you doings?' So you know who I am?"

Me: "Ye-a, I done heard about you."

T: "Oh okay, well HEAR THIS: u bet not call or text Bruce phone NO MO!"

Me: "Hold up now Miss T, do you pay Bruce phone bill now?"

T: "Who the fuck you callin 'Miss?' I don't give a damn if I DON'T pay his bill, muthafucka!"

Me: "& ain't BRUCE the one paying BOTH ya'll phone bills since you STILL ain't got no job?"

SILENCE

T: "You know what? it really doesn't matter WHO pays the phone bill. You just betta not call his phone no more or else I will be down there to ya'll job. Ok?"

Me: "No tea baby. I'll lose Bruce number when BRUCE tell me to lose his number."

T: "He don't have to tell you to; I'M tellin you to! So PLEASE don't make me come to ya'll job."

T HANGS UP

& bitch, I'm just LOOKING. All I can do at that point is smile, still staring down at my phone; still sitting at my desk. But low-key, I am HEATED. I'm ready to fight. That bitch got me FUCKED up. & where the fuck is Bruce while all this shit is transpiring? So uh, ya'll know I called his muthafuckin phone right back to see what the fuck was up...no answer; & I was not about to leave a voicemail, NOT NOW. Since I was off the next two days, I decided to just go home & relax because I SWEAR that muthafucka had done ran my blood pressure UP.

Bruce never called back that night...or the next. I figured it was his way of politely respecting his lover, while letting me down easily...punk-built ass. I don't even know WHY I'm mad. I knew from the jump that T was the first lady in his life. I couldn't be angered or upset; hell, I couldn't even be disappointed..."I know what this is; I knew what it was.[4]" I was just bitter. I had finally been confronted with the truth. & the truth was, I was just Bruce's "sideline."

As could be expected, I drowned my sorrow in junk food while I wallowed in my despair. I lay waiting for my pizza from Joe's to be delivered, contemplating WHY exactly I allowed myself to carry on with Bruce for as long as I did. Truthfully: I was having too much fun. I mean even after the revelation of our sexual roles being mis-matched WEEKS AGO, we continued. There was an undeniable chemistry; a physical attraction & a genuine enjoyment of one another's company and since there was no presence of sex in the equation then...who were we hurting? (This was before I was old enough to know that "cheating" can go above & beyond sex)

...I didn't even realize I'd dozed off until the knock at the door awakened me. I grabbed the money off the table to tip the delivery guy before I unlocked the deadbolt, not even looking thru the peephole & there I was, greeted by the smirk of Bruce holding my pizza with his hand stuck out. Oh yea, I DEFINITELY had a tip for that ass...

REFERENCES

1. "That Other Woman" (Changing Faces) - Visit Me; 2000
2. "Talk Show Shhh!" (Shae Jones) - Talk Show; 1999
3. "If it Ain't Live, It Ain't Me" (Mystikal) - Tarantula; 2001
4. "My Love" (Jill Scott) - The Real Thing: Words and Sounds, Vol. 3; 2007