Wednesday, October 1, 2008

about that online revolution...i ain miss SHIT

Where do I begin? It's complicated (like pretty much everything involving Q) so this time I'm gonna go slow. When we last left, Cori had given me his phone #, which was the exact opposite of what I expected him to do:

Was I in love? HELL no.
Did I wanna pursue something? Maybe.
Should I have just erased his number & forgotten I'd ever met him? Hmmm.
Should I just fasten my seatbelt & brace myself for the ride? DING DING DING!
I waited until late that night to text him. 20 minutes later, no response. I thought, "oh duh, he's probably like me & only gives out the house phone #." I decided to call but what greets me? A hip-hop ringtone...followed by a voice mail. Hmmm, sounded like a cellular. But hey, it is after midnight & he does work "normal" hours so he's probably asleep, duh! "I am like SO inconsiderate," I thought. AH WELL, might as well see what else is poppin tonight. & as I log in to BGC & click on my friends & my favorites but who do I see? Cori. But I mean just because he's "online" doesn't mean he's online, so what do I do? "I'ma go over there & say hey[1]!" I sent him a message, "was that a house phone # you gave me?" Me still trying to cut a brother some slack for straight up IGNORING me & his rather hasty response was, "o naw it's a cell. sorry i missed u earlier..." All I could think was sorry huh? "Yea you sorry. Ya sorry muthafucka[2]!" But me being the "G" that I am I simply replied, "cool beans man, jus holla @ me later."

That should have been the end. Any logical man with common sense would not have subjected himself to further humiliation. But not my black ass, I live for the chase. I thrive on resistance, & a man playing hard to get only fuels my fire baby...I wanted more. 3 days passed & I noticed he was never logged in anymore. I went to his page to see the last time he was online:
"This account: Milleniumodel has been placed on hold by the owner;
Message from Milleniumodel: I am trying something new
'Something New,' huh Sanaa? I waited about 3 more days before I threw myself at his feet via text message: "U said u were 'comin back...'" My desperation is really disgusting. He replied rather promptly, again (he never answers phone calls but always responds to text message? maybe he's a I-M: a text girl), "I did say that but someone that I have had my eye on has come through. We have been chilling..." 5 minutes later, he followed up with, "Ur cool and I would like to continue to communicate and hang if ur ok with that." Those words were the gut-punch & I had been hit HARD. How do I even respond to that? He had a choice, as we all do in life & he made a decision. He made the decision that he thought was best for him. I can't even say I'm angry with him, I mean I probably woulda passed me up too (I'm having a moment here). Days turned into weeks & he would send me a text message here & there, just to say "hey." He even made the effort to have small talk. He was still the same guy that laid across my futon mattress that night...he had just found a better bed to sleep in; he had found a Sealy Posturepedic.

That weekend could not come quick enough. I needed to see my hairdresser "Eddie," STAT! Not just because I had new growth, but because Eddie was like a therapist to me. He listened intently & hung on to my every word. He would give me his opinion & even offer tidbits of advice. He was a friend, loosely. Not to mention he was easy on the eyes & not half bad in bed either, but we ended up having way more chemistry outside the bedroom than we did in. I was late for my appointment as usual, & he was evil about it. He even threatened to stop doing my hair! But I wasn't having that, he's the only person in Dallas that can do my hair. I would have fallen to the floor & kissed his ashy feet to stay in his good graces.

As I lay back for the shampoo I didn't have much to say. I felt many emotions but I was tired of hearing about them & to my surprise, Eddie picked up the slack. He began to talk about himself & this "guy." This "guy" as he called him, whom he had just recently started seeing was nice, younger (29, but Eddie is over 40), educated, from east Texas, & FINE as he described him to me. Eddie's only problem with him (& u know the girls ALWAYS find a problem with him)? He was femme. Eddie hates femme. Not a homicidal hatred, just not to date. & you know I had to stick up for the softer men, as I call them. & not just because I date them just the same as I date masculines but because I know what it's like, to feel like your own kind have turned against you; you will do some STRANGE things:
The general consensus of "guys attracted to guys" (gag bitch, since all these girlz feel offended by being called gay now...fuckin fags) despise anything even remotely femme. This leaves those men that are naturally womanly feeling like misfits...outcast (sound familiar?). & what's a girl to do when shunned by the men he should be connecting with? Hell, almost ANYTHING. He'll damn near sell his soul to feel included & feel wanted. This is the formula for femmes who put on a masculine front just to get a man. & as an old boyfriend of mine once put it, "everybody wants trade, but nobody wants to be trade." I guess what Eddie's "guy" failed to realize is that whatever you do to get that man, you'll have to
continue doing to keep that man.
The more Eddie talked & the more I listened, this new "guy" seemed eerily familiar. From his age & location, to his looks & femme persona I felt like I knew this guy. Eddie was not about to slip & say his name so, I had to get gutter & fish for tea, honey. Eddie began to talk about how nice of a car the guy drove. I jumped on my opportunity, "for real? what he got a Lexus?" I had to sound innocent in questioning yet simply interested in the conversation. He answered, hesitantly, "nah he drive a [sports car], it's a newer one. Real cute too..." gut-punch! I swear these dudes be "hittin harder than a nigga's daddy." I was too through. This "guy" he was going out with was Cori. Cori, whom he found too femme to continue seeing or pursue anything serious with. The same Cori, who decided we should just be friends so that he could be with Eddie. Eddie, whom I met online & fucked 2 years ago. The same Eddie who has now evolved into not only my hairdresser but my friend. There was only one thing left for me to do.

I know ya'll don't think I spilled tea? Bitch please! I will sit on tea for YEARS & might take some to the grave. & they might call me secretive, might even call me a ho but one thing they won't call me is messy. To tell Eddie the truth about my knowing Cori would only cause more friction & Cori was already on thin ice with him. Q was NOT gonna be the reason. So honey I sat there & got my hair done as I continued to listen to Eddie talk. But his voice was eventually drowned out by my own worries as I thought, "how does this shit get so complicated?"


1. Shante Smith (Vivica Fox) - Two Can Play That Game; 2002
2. Jenny (Natalie Deselle) - How to Be a Player; 1998

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