you know what? i'm tired of this

Ok this is the LAST straw, that broke the camel's back against the wind, & honey, enough is ENOUGH! So let me take you back to that night...

Now me and "Oscar" had been playing email tag on A4A for a while but the night we were SUPPOSED to hook up I ended up...a little bit tied up (I'ma tell ya'll about that another day). So, we rescheduled for the following night & I'm GEEKED UP because his body pics are 1-2-3 so you already know. We've established that he's 40 years old, works nights like me & single. But nervous about meeting me, as well as being allergic to cats, but it's no tea because I have no problem kicking Avery out of my room when I have a gentleman caller. So that night, I picked up a bottle of wine (2 bottles actually), straightened up my place a bit, & took a shower. As I rubbed on my body lotion & cologne I pondered:

"Will Oscar be the one?"
"Maybe he can be my regular?"
"Gosh, I'm so tired of hoein & jippin."
"I hope he likes me."
"I been doing these damn Kegals like A.B. Irby said to, I hope they work."
"I hope this cologne ain't too strong."

I poured me another glass of red wine to calm my damn nerves. I always get real anxious the first time I hook up with someone new. I lit me a square & stretched out butt naked across my sofa.

"He's late," I think to myself at 11:53pm. By 12:05 I decide to call. "You lost?" I asked. "Naw man, I'm pullin into the apartments right now," he answered. It then takes him another 10 minutes just to find my damn door (i swear, no one can ever find my apartment). I leave the door unlocked for him. He walks thru & I check him out from head to toe...I'm...pleased, I guess.
I mean, Oscar definitely LOOKS his age but he's a pretty color: "you know I gotta soft spot for chocolate[1]." & he has a decent mug so, I'm NOT disappointed. But he seemed real paranoid like, irritatingly:

"turn on some of these lights."
"no, you walk into the room first."
"you ready huh?" as he pointed to my fishbowl full of assorted condoms & lubes
"I know somebody musta told you about me, that's how you knew I was allergic to animals."

I swear, I almost told him to get the fuck outta my house. But hell, I'd waited this long for him to come over so, I decided to try and help him relax.

I sat him on the bed, between my thighs & began to rub his neck & shoulders. He smiled, & even allowed himself to enjoy it. I began to lift his shirt up, he stopped me before I could get it over his head & whispered, "no, no, no." I swear, I was about to put this nigga the fuck outta my house. He stood up, then pulled me up with him. He turned his back to me while pulling me to his ass. "About damn time," I thought to myself. "You cum quick?" he asked. "Depend on how good it is," I answered as I pulled down his shorts & oooh, no draws on? YES! He was ready (or so I thought). I grabbed a rubber & a lube packet outta my bowl & begin to roll the rubber down my shaft with one hand, while lubing him up with the other (ya boy can multi-task). He jumped as I put the head in, so I eased the shaft in. He could take it standing up, my second favorite position to being rode, so he was earning back some of the points he lost with his paranoia. He whispered, "jack my dick baby, so this ass can open up." I happily obeyed hey, it's all about teamwork. After a while, he spit me out (of his ass) & got on all fours on the bed, face down ass up. "I need somebody to fuck this ass on the regular man," he said. "We'll see," I replied. O yea, this shit was bout to be all mines. I started wearin that ass OUT! He was beggin for more lube, so I passed him the big tube off the nightstand while he turned onto his back. & as I went back into that sloppy, wet, warm ass that's when it hit me...that oh so familiar stench. I was OVER it.

Thank God he came right after that because my dick was about to go limp. I could not believe it. I didn't even WANT to cum. I immediately pulled out to head for the bathroom & when I flipped on the light to glance down at my dick, that ultra-thin fuschia condom was covered in mud. WTF? I have not been painted in FOREVER. I didn't even know the girls still painted. Was he serious? Did he even wash his ass? Why would you even CALL ME, asking for the dick if you wasn't prepared for the dick? He don't love his self. Maybe if this was a little boy, but this was a grown ass, middle-aged man. Me personally, I been doing this shit for YEARS. So I can always handle a light airbrushing, I mean hell, I am diggin up inside a man's rectum (it kinda comes with the territory). But for a full coat of paint to be on me, & trust it WAS on me, my pubic hair & my damn stomach. I was disgusted. I was speechless. HE HAD TO LEAVE!

When I made it out of the bathroom Oscar was dressed & standing at the door. "Alright man," he said. "Yea," I responded, dryly. I locked both locks, & went to change my damn sheets before I took a second shower & I swear, that hot water never felt so good. But to all you "bottoms," get ya swagger up baby. It's 2008, going on 2009. No more excuses, no more tears, no more drama, no more shit: dookie crumbs in my sheets, dookie crumbs on my dick... "dookie crumbs in the hall, dookie crumbs on the wall; it was enough shit in that house to make a DOOKIE POT-PIE[2]!" & I swear, the next one of you muthafuckas shit on me, I'm goin in yo muthafuckin mouth...believe dat.

REFERENCES

1. Adina (Paula Jai Parker) - Sprung; 1997
2. Cedrick (Brian Hooks) - Q: The Movie; 1998